I’m just on the verge of explosion.  I’ve become so self conscious, even worse than before.  I mean it got worse when my first love dumped me for another girl, but it was starting to get better and life was starting to get better, and now it all just dumped back on me all over again. why. I just don’t get it, is it really that hard to be completely happy? When you came, I think you just made me go to my lowest level ever.  You are perfect in every way.  Everyone loves you, you’re gorgeous and your personality is just the best.  It makes me feel so insecure.  I constantly think of ways I can be a better person because I’m not happy with myself. at all.  Not many people know how bad my insecurity is.  I take every little thing into consideration and I over think every little aspect. I’ve gone through depression before, not many people know that either.  I keep things to myself, mostly because I’m embarrassed of the way I am. Also, because I feel no one listens to me when I only listen to them with every thing in me.  I care about people way more than they care about me.  I know people will say I’m always here for you, but really barely anyone is.  Only times like this when they see me crying or see sad tweets, statuses, etc.  that’s when they are “there for me” , “care for me”. I try so hard to help out people in every situation, to make them happy, because they don’t deserve anything less, but where is anyone when I need help? when I need to be happy?  I just can’t take how my mind works anymore.  I want my thoughts cleared and I want to not care, but lately, all I seem to do is over care everything.  I just don’t know what to do. 

I might be thinking you were the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but honestly, you’re not.  I have a whole life ahead of me, you aren’t the only boy I will come across or have strong feelings for.  The only thing great you did to me, was treat me right for the time, but more importantly taught me a lesson.  Taught me to not take things for granted, that boys will hurt me. You taught me a lot, and that will help me in life. So next time I’m upset about you, I’ll remember this. I’ll remember there will come someone better, but even if I don’t have someone to love, I’ll remember to enjoy life.

So I realized life is like a puzzle. First off, you receive the puzzle in pieces.  These pieces represent the start of something new, the start of your life.  Each of the puzzle pieces is an event, an emotion, a memory. All these pieces put together, creates a bunch of memories that are our life.  Now, there’s good times and bad times in our lives.  The good times are like the puzzle pieces that have the edge on them.  We know they make up the outside of the puzzle. It’s easy to put them together and it’s usually what’s done first. Like these pieces, the good times we have and enjoy are easy.  It’s easy to make up good memories, just like it’s easy to put the outside puzzle pieces together.  On the other hand, we have the bad.  Of course, every good has a bad.  The bad times or memories we have are like the puzzle pieces in the middle.  Now think in your head and imagine these pieces.  They come in all different shapes and forms.  You pick up one piece which has all four sides carved in.  Usually when you try to figure out where that piece goes, it doesn’t always fit the first puzzle piece you try to connect it to. It might take you ten million times until you find the right piece it fits perfectly into, but when it does fit, it stays there.  It almost locks itself and won’t move from that place.  This is similar to bad times.  Each time you chose the wrong piece, the wrong “match” per say, it’s like making a wrong choice, or a wrong decision.  You will make bad decisions, but it’s okay to. You learn from them, just like you learn that the puzzle piece does not fit into the choice you made of where to connect that piece. The thing is, eventually, after making tons of mistakes, you will come to the right one.  The right choice where the puzzle piece fits perfectly into the other piece you have chosen.  After all these bad mistake, and regrets, you will come to a time, where this one decision makes up for the bad. It all becomes good and well. Life is like a puzzle.  All these memories will come together, wether good or bad and in the end….they will create something beautiful. Life is indeed beautiful.